Oyasumi Nasai
by PMK nut
Summary: Japanese - Good Night Souji is stricken with tuberculosis and its slowly killing him, and everyone around. Will Hijikata succeed in helping his friend? Will their friendship become stronger? Will Souji survive the winter?
1. Chapter 1

**Oyasumi nasai**

**Chapter 1**

**Finally a PMK story from me, PMKnut :D please read, enjoy, review ^^**

"Tetsu!" shouted Tatsu, running after him.

"I'm late! Can't stop, Mr. Hijikata'll kill me if I'm late again!"

"But – the shopping! Why do I have to carry _your_ groceries?"

"They're not for me! And they're supplies, not groceries!" Testu shouted back before disappeared round a corner. Tatsu, never fond of physical activity, gave up the chase. He sighed and absent-mindedly peered into the bag he was carrying. The brothers had just visited the market from which they had purchased an assortment of items. These included several different kinds of tealeaves, some honey and many different herbs which, frankly, smelled disgusting.

"What is all this stuff _for_ anyway?" Tatsu muttered to himself as he followed his brother back to Headquarters.

On arriving, Tatsu was greeted by the cute face of Saya, Tetsu's beloved. "Oh, hey Saya! Did you see which way Tetsu went?" Tatsu asked, glancing round for him. Saya smiled and nodded. She knelt down and, using the thin stick she carried, wrote a message in the soil: 'He went to Mr. Hijikata's room.' "Oh, I see. Thank you!" He smiled at her and headed round to find Tetsu.

"Where are my supplies, boy?" Mr. Hijikata's voice bellowed through the courtyard.

"Tatsu's got them!" Tetsu's voice replied. Tatsu found himself speeding up his gait: there was not telling what Mr. Hijikata would do when he was in a bad mood. He arrived quickly and handed the bag to the vice-commander who immediately examined the contents.

"Did you get _everything_ on my list?" both brothers nodded and, when Mr. Hijikata had turned away, breathed a sigh of relief. Tatsu went off to do some work while Tetsu stayed with the vice-commander who was crushing the supplies together in a bowl

"So – how is he?" Tetsu asked. Mr. Hijikata continued what he was doing but stopped to sigh and say

"No change. Get some hot water." Tetsu obeyed.

When he returned, carrying a cup of hot water, there was a bowl of powdered medicine waiting to be taken. Tetsu handed Mr. Hijikata the cup and watched as he added a pinch of the powdery medicine to it. "Souji?" Hijikata said softly. Tetsu looked ahead to see a shadowed figure lying in bed. He watched Mr. Hijikata gently shake the figure's shoulder until it woke. "Souji, medicine." Mr. Hijikata's voice was barely more than a whisper now as he propped the figure up into a sitting position. Testu saw its long hair flow down its back as it hunched over to cough. Mr. Hijikata lifted its head back and put the cup to its lips. The figure drank the medicine noiselessly

"T-thank you." it managed. "Tetsunoske?"

"Yes, Mr. Okita?" asked Tetsu, crawling up beside the figure

"Lovely and warm. Thank you." the man coughed again, more violently this time. Testu noticed Mr. Hijikata tensed when ever Mr. Okita coughed.

"Go and help Tatsu, Testu." ordered Mr. Hijikata. Tetsu nodded and, bedding the two men good bye, disappeared. "How are you feeling, Souji?"

"Better..."

"You don't have to lie to me, Souji. I know this medicine only lessens the coughing, it doesn't heal you or even make you feel better."

"Then why ask?" Souji smiled weakly. Mr Hijikata smiled back and gave Souji's shoulders a light hug, trying not to look stupid. Souji put a shaky hand on the man's strong arms and sighed

"Thank you..."

"I'm trying to find you a healer but, with the base infiltration, most are unwilling to trust us." Mr Hijikata shook his head

"Don't worry...I'm fine. I–" Souji coughed in his hand. Mr Hijiakta saw, to his horror, that there was a small spatter of scarlet in Souji's palm.

"S-Souji! Blood? How long have you been coughing up blood?" he demanded, grabbing Souji's wrist, staring at the crimson. Souji did not answer. He looked up Hijikata with a strange expression "W-what?" Then, without warning, Souji fell backwards, almost gracefully. His head hit Mr Hijikata's lap, his eyes closed and a thin crimson stream coming from his mouth "Souji? Souji! Are you ok? Can you hear me? Souji!"

**T.T poor Souji! It kills me to write this… Review please :)**

**PMKnut xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Oyasumi nasai**

**Chapter 2**

"Hey, Tatsu." Tetsu said on entering the counting house. Tatsu looked up from his number log book and smiled

"Hi. Did you see Souji?" Tetsu nodded, his eyes closed with a sigh "And? How is he?"

"Mr Hijikata said he was the same. I got him the water needed for his medicine and he said it was nice and warm." Tetsu sighed, playing with an abacus on the counter beside him. Tatsu smiled

"They'll find a healer and he'll be back on his feet in no time!"

"Promise?"

"Well – you know, Tetsu –" Tatsu couldn't guarantee this as he had no idea if, even if they were able to find a willing healer, that Souji even could be cured. Mr Hijikata himself had admitted that there was a chance the disease was incurable, especially this far along. Tatsu remembered the day he had found out Souji had the disease. He and Tetsu were in the sparring room, watching the training when Mr Hijikata had entered and sat beside him.

"_Mr Hijikata! What brings you here? Shouldn't you and Mr Okita be on patrol?_" Tatsu had asked. Mr Hijikata had shaken his head slowly and sighed

"_Souji is sick._"

"_Really? Is he alright?_"

"_What do you mean 'sick'?" _Tetsu had asked, peeping round from behind his brother

"_He has –_"Mr Hijikata sighed deeply "_he has tuberculosis..._" Tatsu remembered gasping at this

"_TB? But that's fatal, isn't it?_" asked Tetsu.

"_It will be if we can't get a healer soon. He's already quite ill, after that attack on_ Chōshū_ the, his condition has worsened. I'm afraid – I'm afraid he'll –_" and for the first time since Tetsu and Tatsu had worked for the Shinsengumi, they saw Mr Hijikata cry.

"Tatsu! Tatsu? Are you listening to me?" Tatsu looked up to see Tetsu glaring down at him

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about something... Never mind. What were you saying?"

"I was asking you why healers don't trust us anymore."

Tatsu sighed

"You really want to know?" Tetsu nodded, his eyes wide with interest "Alright. Ever since that infiltration, everyone has been weary of us. They believe we are ruthless and kill for no reason but that's only because we have to keep the reason a secret."

"Oh...but – surely there must be someone willing to help Mr. Okita? He's got plenty of friends and the Shinsengumi must have some allies who would let us borrow a healer."

"Sorry, Tetsu." Tatsu sighed, inattentively flicking through a logbook "It's out of our hands."

"No way!" shouted Tetsu, making his brother jump "We can't just sit back and let Mr. Okita die! We have to do something. Please, Tatsu? Maybe we could ask Ryoma if he knows anyone – or Susumu must know someone who could help from all his missions! We can't just do nothing, Tatsu!" Frustrated tears began to form in Tetsu's eyes. Tatsu sighed

"Ask who ever you want but don't get your hopes up. Mr. Okita is really very sick and don't even know if he can be cured –"

"I don't care! We have to try!" and with that, Tetsu stormed out, leaving Tatsu alone.

**Well..**

**Reviews would be lovely ^^**


	3. Chapter 3

**Oyasumi nasai**

**Chapter 3**

"The rain still hasn't let up.," sighed Yamanami as he watched the fat drops spatter down across the courtyard.

"It seems its been raining ever since Souji got sick, doesn't it?" said Kondo, stroking Saizo, Souji's pet piglet. "It's strange not having him around. Its like there's an empty space." he sighed, allowing Saizo to wander away. The piglet seemed different now. He didn't even jump up at Tetsu the way he used to, it was as if he knew something was wrong. "Even the pig's sad. What a terrible time it is..." just then Saito appeared around the corner. His face seemed more gloomy and distant than usual.

"Morning, gentlemen." he greeted them dully, sitting down beside Yamanami. His comrades greeted him back. "How goes it?"

"We were just discussing how weird it is without Okita-san around, don't you think, Hajime?" Mr Yamanami asked, offering him some tea. Saito took it, nodding in agreement but said nothing on this fairly tender subject. Instead, he sought to change it to that of the up-coming festival that was to be held in the Shinsengumi Headquarters the following day.

"Yes, I believe everyone able to attend will be present and I even heard that Yamazaki Susumu is returning for it!" announced Yamanami

"That'll brighten Tetsu's mood, I'm sure." chuckled Kondo as did Yamanami. Saito merely gave a slight smile, his droopy eyes staying where they were so firmly set, not moving at all.

"You seem down, Saito-kun. Are you worried about Okita?" Yamanami asked, pushing his glasses further up his nose. Saito said nothing. He had grown up with a father who was stricken with the same illness as Souji and knew all to well the effects it took on the body. And, with Souji being much smaller and delicate, his health would undoubtedly plummet quicker than his father's had. "Saito? Are you ok? You look strange..." Yamanami was looking at him uncertainly

"Oh, yes. Sorry, my mind was elsewhere. What were you saying, vice-commander?"

"Never mind.. Say, isn't young Tetsu fighting Heisuke, today?"

"Yes, I believe he is!" chuckled Kondo "Let's go and watch, shall we? Coming Saito?" Saito looked up at the other two men, who were now standing, but smiled and declined. They bade him good-bye and made their way off to the training hall where the fight would take place. Saito stayed sitting on the raised-deck, appreciating the slight chill that came with the downpour with gratitude. It had been a very hot, dry summer and now winter was in its way, the earth felt more peaceful. Saito exhaled loudly and stood up, feeling the refreshing breeze as if swept through Headquarters.

Souji shivered. The cold draught ripped into him, as he lay, half unconscious, on his futon. He longed for Hijikata to return. The vice-commander had presently gone out to pick up a parcel. Souji knew he would only be gone half an hour - if that - but he couldn't help but feel scared without him near. Mr. Hijikata was the only thing that made him feel hopeful that he would get through this year.

Now, Souji felt another cough rising in his chest. He slowly sat up, bracing his poor body for the spasm and when it finally came, it was so prepared for it didn't really faze him, though he could taste metal again. He sighed, steadying his breathing, and looked up at the shoji. He remembered a time when he could freely walk around Headquarters. He would sit on the raising-deck and watch the goings-on around him, completely content. Now he could barely gather the strength to stand up, let alone walk.

Souji hated how weak he'd gotten. He'd become useless and was now just a burden to Mr. Hijikata and the others. He wanted so much to get stronger and become able to take part in the Shinsengumi's activity again. He missed his patrols of the town with Shinpachi and Sanosuke, even how people used to regard them with malicious looks. He smiled as he recalled one warm day with these two individuals. They were on their way back to HQ from patrol when they ran into Mr. Hijikata who was buying something from a sweet stall. Souji had greeted him with a laugh. He remembered Hijikata spinning round, concealing the bag of whatever he had purchased into his kimono and looking guilty. He had mumbled something about throat sweets and had continued on his way, trying to save his dignity but failing by walking into a woman's washing line and, with his eyes covered, had walking into the wall behind.

It was only Souji who laughed as everyone else was too scared of the demon vice-commander to openly find pleasure in his misfortune. They had returned to HQ together and Souji had found a bag of his favourite sweets sitting on his futon. Presently Souji reached for the same bag that, to his surprise, still had a handful of little candies lying at the bottom. Any other time these would have been gone in a flash but Souji had almost completely lost his appetite to his disease and simply replaced the bag with a sad sigh - he did so hate to waste sweets.

"Souji?" it was Hijikata. He was standing outside, his shadow blocking most light from the shoji door "May I come in?"

"Yes, please do." the door slid to the side, revealing Mr Hijikata's imposing body. He entered, closing the door behind him and sat down beside Souji.

"How're you feeling, Souji?" Hijikata asked softly, helping him to sit up. Souji shrugged

"I've felt better, I suppose..." he smiled weakly "What about you, Toshi?"

"I don't matter, I want to know about you. What has Susumu said about your condition? I haven't had a chance to ask him."

"He doesn't usually comment but…last time he did, he said I n-needed stronger medicine..." Souji drew breath, wheezing slightly. Hijikata nodded, seeing an empty cup by Souji's futon. He picked it up and smelled it, much to the confusion of Souji.

"Has it helped any?" Hjikata asked, studying the bottom of the cup with apparent fascination

"Not yet, I've only had a few doses. Susumu said--" he coughed hard into his hand, blood dribbled down the side on his mouth. Hijikata felt his heart miss a beat but, trying to be brave for Souji's sake, wiped it away with his own sleeve.

"I shall make sure you get it for when he goes on his mission."

"Oh? And what mission is that?" Souji asked curiously, steadying his breathing again

"He is to under cover as a _woman_ to get infor--" Souji's tickled laugh interrupted him "What?"

"Why must you say 'woman' like its some kind of nasty foot fungus?" he chuckled, trying to stop himself from coughing. Hijikata scowled but when Souji finally let his cough go, his face softened to concern.

"Please calm down, Souji. The last thing you need is excitement." he patted Souji lightly on the back as he, at last, finished coughing. The blood smeared across Souji's sleeve was both disturbing and upsetting. "Saito's been asking about you." Toshizo said quickly.

"Oh? How is Hijame these days?" Souji asked almost casually, as if he hadn't just coughed up half a lung

"He's fine. He's very worried about you, Souji. Perhaps you would allow him to visit you occasionally?" Okita thought for a moment then grinned

"I would love that! I'll be nice to have someone to talk to other than _you_." he chuckled, then smiled gently at Hijikata. "Not that your company isn't the best..." Hijikata felt a sudden urge to hug the petit man in front of him but fought it off. Luckily, however, his want was fulfilled as he felt Souji's thin arms wrap themselves around his neck. Hijikata hugged him back, feeling his horribly protruding ribs from beneath his kimono.

"Souij, have you been eating?" Hijikata asked. Souji's embrace loosened at the question. His head slid down to Hijikata's chest, his hands clutching resting on the vice-commander's breast

"Please don't be angry..."

"Souji, you wouldn't get any stronger if you don't eat. Medicine only makes you sicker if its taken on an empty stomach, you know that! Is it because you don't want to or are you just not hungry?" Souji said nothing, Hijikata realised his eyes were closed "Souji--"

"Shh...I want to listen to your heart - thud thud thud - so healthy... I wish my heart was healthy--"

"Souji..." Hijkata tightened his embrace around his frail body, bringing him closer to him. "Souji...you will be. I promise you'll be ok." he was looking at Souji with the utmost of seriousness, Souji returned his stare with slight alarm "I _will_ find you a healer and it will be the best healer in Japan - in the world. You're going to be fine, Souji. Do you hear me? I'm not going to let you die!" Souji's violet eyes filled with tears. Though he stayed silent, Hijikata knew he was grateful. Hijikata hugged his head to his own chest, feeling the tear drip onto his bare skin "You're going to live, Souji. I'll make sure of it." he whispered

**Review :) **

**I'm undecided on whether or not to make this seriously depressing or not… meh, depends how I feel although I think there are too many sad Okita stories floating around… I don't know :) let me know what you'd prefer ^^**

**PMKnut xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oyasumi nasai**

**Chapter 4**

"Sensei?" the assistant asked "There's a Mr. Hijikata here to see you."

"Thank you Sanzu, send him in." Dr Senan Yamamoto said, waving his hand, not looking up from his paperwork

'_Hijikata, is it? This should be interesting..._' he thought

"Senan-sensei?" came a deep voice, making the doctor look up to see a tall, muscular man stepping through the shoji door.

"Mr. Hijikata, please take a seat." he waved a hand to the two seats in front of the desk. Hijikata Toshizo selected one and sat down, folding his hands neatly on his lap and looking intently at Senan.

"Sensei, I was hoping to ask you about a friend of mine."

"Oh?" the doctor looked up briefly "And what is wrong with your friend, Mr Hijikata?" Toshizo hated the man's patronizing tone but he ignored it - this was for Souji.

"Well, you see, sir, a very dear friend of mine has tuberculosis and I'm frightened for his life. He was diagnosed nearly two months ago and since then, his health has deteriorated rapidly. He can't even get out of bed anymore and he's been coughing up blood... Please, sensei, tell me there is something I can do to save his life!" The doctor sighed and put down his pen, looking at the other man

"To be honest, probably not. Tuberculosis is a very difficult disease, there's only been a few people in this country have survived." Hijikata felt his heart sink; this had been his last chance to help Souji and he had failed- "Although...those who have survived have been under the care of myself and colleagues in Edo. If you can arrange to get your friend to our hospital there, we may be able to save his life."

"Really? Oh, thank you so much! I'll get him there, don't worry! Thank you again from the bottom of both our hearts! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" the doctor merely smiled

"Thank with me with money, Hijikata, not words. Words mean nothing to me."

"Oh, yes sir, thank you, sir. I'll talk to my superior about your payment and have him settle the price with you tomorrow."

"Good. Good bye Hijikata, I'll come by the HQ to look at the patient tomorrow, alright?" Toshizo smiled and nodded, thanking him all the way out of the door. Dr Senan sighed with a small smile and went back to his work.

"Mr. Hijikata, where have you been?" Heisuke asked as the vice-commander returned to base

"To see the doctor about Souji."

"Oh.. What did he say?"

"He said he can get Souji to a hospital in Edo." The eighth unit captain grinned

"That's great! Wow, when does he go?"

"Soon, I hope. I need to arrange it with the hospital."

"Have you told Souji?"

"Not yet, I just got back."

"Oh, yeah, right. Sorry to keep you, sir. Can I tell the others?" Hijikata sighed

"I suppose.." Heisuke grinned and thanked him, going off to find the other two morons he hung around with. Hijikata sighed again and went to see Souji.

"Mr. Hijikata? You're rather late today." Souji said as he entered the room

"Yes, sorry, Souji, I had an appointment. How have you been?"

"Alright. Tetsu came to see me earlier and Sesume gave me some of Aya's lovely soup."

"Good, I'm glad you're eating." Souji smiled and nodded. Hijikata sat down beside him "Souji, I have to tell you something." Souji looked at him curiously

"And what might that be?"

"Well, my appointment was with Senan-sensei, the doctor. I asked him if he could get you into Edo hospital and…"

"And?" Souji asked, urging him on, eyes wide

"He agreed" Souji's face lit up immensely and he beamed, hugging Hijikata with a small excited squeak.

"Oh! That's great, Hijikata! I've missed the fresh air so much!" he said, too excited to care about the cough rising in his chest.

"You don't have to go without air, Souji, you can go outside if you wish." Hijikata said, smiling.

"But…my legs…" he said, confused

"I'll carry you, you're very light."

"Oh..ok.." he said. Hijikata very gently and carefully picked up his skinny frame, making sure he was secure in his arms before standing straight and heading outside.

Feeling the cool breeze swipe over his face was like entering heaven. Souji's eyes slide shut and he breathed in deeply, smelling the sweet sakura tree aroma he loved so much. Hijikata smiled at his dear friend and took him out to sit on his usual risen deck in the courtyard, so he could watched the recruits training

"Mr. Okita! You're up!" Shinpachi cried on seeing him with a grin. Souji smiled and waved, enjoying the nostalgia of a time without this stupid disease.

Hijikata sat beside him, draping a blanket around his shoulders so he wasn't cold. Souji thanked him and watched the others train. He smiled at Shinpachi, Heisuke and Sanosuke's antics as they fought each other with added melodramatic energy. He clapped with a small laugh when Shinpachi managed to tackle the other two larger boys to floor and stood on them triumphantly. "Hey, Mr. Okita, are you feeling better?"

"A little. Thank you, Shinpachi-kun." He replied with a smile. Shinpachi grinned, bidding the two goodbye before following his friends to the practise hall. Souji smiled sadly, looking out at the courtyard floor

"Are you alright, Souji?" Hijikata asked, placing a hand on his shoulder

"Hm? Oh, yes.. I just miss being able to do what they do, that's all…" he mumbled. Hijikata watched him sadly before picking him up and hugging him, placing him in his lap. The big violet eyes looked up into brown ones and pale cheeks blushed, though appreciated the warm embrace greatly. He leaned into the broad firm chest and snuggled into him, his head on his shoulder. Hijikata wrapped his arms around the miniscule torso of his friend and sighed. Souji looked up at him

"What's wrong, Mr. Hijikata?"he asked

"You're too skinny, Souji. You won't recover if you stay this thin."

"I'm not hungry at the moment, that's all. I'll gain weight in hospital, right?" Hijikata smiled and nodded

"Of course. Meanwhile, I'll get Aya-san to make you something with more bulk to keep your strength up, ne?" Souji just smiled and leaned into him again. "Are you cold?"

"No… It's all perfect.." he replied, looking out at the courtyard. "Remember when we used to train out here, Mr Hijikata? Do you still do that funny exercise of standing still and swiping your sword up and down?" Hijikata grumbled something. Yes, in other words. Souji giggled softly. Hijikata smiled at the sound, he couldn't remember the last time he'd heard it.

_I love you, Souji, and I'm not going to let you die. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Oyasumi Nasai**

"What's all the commotion, Mr Hijikata?" Souji asked, hearing shouting voices and music from outside

"Oh, it's the festival tonight.." Mr Hijikata said quietly, knowing Souji would be sad he could not be there. Souji nodded, smiling

"Shame, I would have liked to have gone… Could you possibly pick me up some candy?" he asked with a smile. Hijikata sighed and sat beside Souji

"I'm not going. I've decided to keep you company."

"You don't need to, Mr Hijikata, really, I don't mind."

"I mind, I don't want to leave you here on your own while everyone else is off having fun." Souji smiled and nodded

"Thank you. Um, what did Senan-sensei say?"

"Oh, yes, I meant to tell you. He said you'll be alright for the journey to Edo and they've already secured you a place in the hospital." Souji's smile grew bigger

"That's wonderful!" he said, putting his hands together. Hijikata smiled and put an arm around Souji's narrow shoulders. "So, when do I go?"

"Next week. I'll be going with you and staying there for a week or so while you get settled." Souji nodded with a smile. Just then, there was a hesitant knock on the door. Hijikata smiled briefly at Souji and stood up, going to the door with his usual gruff persona

"What?"

"Um, M-Mr Hijikata? I was just wondering if Mr Okita wanted some candy...? I-I bought two bags so.." Hijikata sighed at Tetsunosuke's voice and slid the door open a fraction. The small redhead looked up in surprise and held out a paper bag "Th-they're his favourites.." he mumbled, looking down. Hijikata sighed and took the bag

"Testunosuke! What a nice surprise!" Souji said happily, leaning forward slightly to see him. Tetsu's face broke into a smile and waved at him from across the room

"Hey, Mr Okita! How are you feeling?"

"Oh, I'm alright. I'm going to hospital next week."

"Really? That's great, you can finally get better." Souji smiled and nodded

"That's the plan! How's the festival?"

"Oh, it's great. They're setting up the fireworks in a… Oh, sorry." He mumbled, realising he would just make the sick man feel bad

"Well, maybe we can go up on the roof to watch the fireworks, Souji?" Hijikata said. Souji looked up at him and his face broke into the biggest grin yet

"Oh, Mr Hijikata!" he said "that would be amazing!" Hijikata smiled and looked back down at Tetsu who was smiling

"Mr Hijikata does have a heart!" The man glared down at him with a growl. The boy smirked sheepishly, looking round at his brother's voice

"Tetsu, where are you?"

"Coming, Tatsu!" he called back "Bye, Mr Okita! Hope you enjoy the fireworks. Bye sir!" he said with a mischievous grin before running off again. Hijikata sighed and closed the door, going back to Souji's side

"That kid will be the end of me." He muttered, handing an eager Souji his candy. He sighed again and smiled "Let's get up on the roof then, shall we?" Souji looked up from the candy and nodded, smiling. Hijikata wrapped him in a thick blanket and picked him up bridal style. He was so light now he was horribly easy to carry and they went up the roof of the building, perching on the tiles.

Souji leaned against him, breathing in the sweet night air, his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. Hijikata smiled at him, glad he was feeling even a little better.

The fireworks began a few minutes later, brightening the dark sky with colours of gold, red, blue, green, orange, pink. Hijikata glanced at Souji as they watched them, seeing the bright lights reflecting in his huge shiny eyes, his face alight with happiness and excitement.

They stayed and watched until the sky became dark and silent once more, and the retreated back inside, Hijikata worried the cold air will irritate Souji's chest even more.

"That was great, I've always loved fireworks.." The dark plum-haired man said, smiling as Hijikata put him back in bed. The older man smiled, making sure he was comfortable. "Quit fussing, Mr Hijikata, I'm feeling quite good today." Hijikata sighed

"Even so, Souji, you should be kinder to your body." The younger man smiled then his eyes widened

"How's Saizou?" he asked, having not seen his pet pig in weeks.

"Tetsunosuke has been looking after him recently…" Souji chuckled

"Wow, that's impressive, they haven't killed each other yet?" Hijikata smirked "He's become much stronger…Tetsu, I mean. It's funny to think he was that little brat who came to us not so long ago…don't you agree, Mr Hijikata?" the man nodded, sighing

"I suppose…" Souji giggled softly, refusing to let the rising cough attack him. Hijikata cleared his throat "Well, back to bed, Souji. I've arrange for us to be taken to Edo next week so you need to be as strong as possible. I'll bring you something to eat later, ok?"

"Alright. Could you bring Saizo with you, please? I miss my little piggy." Hijikata smiled and nodded

"Of course, sleep well." He said, helping him lie back down and covering his tiny body with the two warm comforters, the extra he'd acquired from Shinpachi who was now too tall for that size futon.

"Goodnight." He said quietly, closing his eyes. Hijikata blew out the lamp and left the room quietly, allowing himself one last look before sliding the door shut and going off in search of Kondou.

**Ne? I rather lost patience with this chapter and just wanted it finished, hope it was to your approval… Please review, thanks to everyone's positive reviews so far 3**

**Songs of this chapter (what I was listening to as I wrote: Where the Wild Roses Grow - Kylie Monigue & Nick Cave / Helena - My Chemical Romance / Look After You - The Fray **

**PMKnut xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Oyasumi Nasai**

**Chapter 6**

The day finally arrived for Souji to go to hospital in Edo and the atmosphere in the Shinsengumi barracks could not have been better. Everyone was assembled to see their dear First Captain off. Hijikata carried Souji out into the sea of people, as they passed people gave their messages of luck to Souji. He smiled at them all, though didn't want to get too close for fear of passing on his disease. He'd taken to holding his sleeve or a handkerchief over his mouth, even when with Mr. Hijikata.

Finally they got to the horse-drawn carriage which was transporting them to Edo and Hijikata turned them round to wave at everyone.

"Bye, everyone! I'll see you when I get back!" Souji called, waving. He's removed his sleeve to speak, his grin brightening his pale face and everyone's hearts. They all hoped his words were true. Hijikata soon got impatient and placed the sick man in the carriage, telling the driver to go before getting in himself, opposite Souji. The plum-haired man waved to his friends until they rounded the corner and the barracks disappeared. Hijikata put a blanket on Souji's legs to keep him warm, as well as his own Haori around the thin shoulders. "I'm gonna miss them all…" Souji said quietly, his eyes down and a small smile on his face.

"You will see them again soon." He replied gruffly, moving to sit beside his friend. Souji nodded

"I hope so…" he said with a small sigh. Hijikata sighed inwardly and looked out the window at the passing scenery.

Souji fell asleep on the way, his head on Hijikata's shoulder. Hijikata put his arm around his terribly thin shoulders, pulling the blanket around him more. He found himself begging the God he didn't believe in to spare Souji's life, such a pure soul and big heart wasn't something that should die so young. He hadn't even turned 25 yet and he was already on the brink of fighting for his life.

Presently, Hijikata noticed Souji's bag moving slightly. He frowned, checking Souji was still asleep before opening the bag carefully. Out popped Saizou the piglet, glared at Hijikata with an indignant snort

"Stow-away!" Hijikata hissed, glaring back. The pig ignored him, hopping across onto Souji's lap, snuggling into his sick master. _(a/n: writing that actually made me cry..) _Hijikata couldn't help a smile at this, petting the pig gently as he curled up Souji's lap. He wandered if Souji would be allowed to keep the pig in the hospital…probably not but maybe Hijikata could make some arrangements, otherwise Souji would be terribly lonely by himself…

Souji woke up a little later, overjoyed to see his little piggy asleep on his lap

"Saizou..!" he said with a small laugh, stroking the fluffy pink skin. The animal woke up at this with a snuffle and looked up at him, jumping slightly and snuggling against him. Hijikata smiled at the two

"He was hiding in your bag." He said, earning a small scowl from the pig but Souji chuckled

"You bad little piggy, I told you you're not allowed to come with me.." he said, petting him happily.

"I'll see what I can do on that, Souji; you'll be lonely without him, ne?"

"I suppose so…I'm sure I'll meet other people while I'm there though." He said, smiling at Saizou as he hopped along the seats.

Hijikata smiled and looked out the window, listening to Souji laughing. He hoped to everything good that Souji would come home one day.

**Sorry my updates are so dreadfully late and not very good… Let me know what you think but this was really a filler chapter before they get to the hospital, which will be more interesting ^^**

**PMKnut xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Oyasumi Nasai 7**

Arriving at Edo hospital, Souji decided he would get better as soon as possible. From the outside, the building looked threatening and morose and the interior was even more so. Everything was made of dark smelly wood and the staff was made up of severe men who barked instead of spoke. They were taken to the tuberculosis ward, where everyone wore masks and most of the patients in the two rows of futons looked half dead. There was the constant sound of coughing and the stench of blood and vomit was terribly strong. Souji looked up at Hijikata with wide eyes, his sleeve over his mouth and nose, and saw the larger man was glaring around him. The man who had shown them the way was the first to feel his wrath. The demon of the Shinsengumi turned on him, eyes blazing with his arm protectively around Souji's skinny form

"You cannot be serious! How do you expect anyone to survive in these conditions?!" the man looked taken aback. Just then, another man came over to them

"I'm dreadfully sorry, I should have met you at the front - please follow me." He said with a smile. Souji and Hijikata looked at each other but obeyed, leaving their guide standing there looking confused. Once they were well away from that room, the man leading them turned to speak tp them, stopping them in a hallway "Allow me to introduce myself - my name is Miyavi-sensei and I am the director of this hospital." He said. Hijikata growled

"You call this a _hospital_? That room is a disgrace, I will not allow Souji to stay here-"

"Mr. Hijikata, you misunderstand. That is not the room Mr. Okita will be staying in - that place is for tuberculosis patients who we do not expect to recover.." he explained. Souji shivered at this, it was like a waiting room for the dead…and he would be in there one day "Mr. Okita has a special private room, his doctor insisted." He said. Hijikata frowned

"Senan-sensei?" the man nodded

"Of course, he specially requested Mr Okita gets the best room and the best possible care." He said. Souji was beginning to get tired now; Hijikata obviously sensed this as the arm he had around his dear friend's depleting waist tightened slightly, for both comfort and support.

"May we see this room then?" he asked, picking Souji up. The man nodded again and lead them to a room near a pretty outdoor courtyard. He opened the shoji door to reveal a large, airy room with a window viewing the courtyard and a spacious futon. There was a large cabinet against one wall, which Souji assumed held medical supplies of some kind, and a desk.

"Here we are, your new home, Mr Okita. How do you like it?" the hospital director asked

"It…it's lovely…" Souji breathed, eyes wide as he looked around the wonderful room. Hijikata sat him down on the futon, kneeling beside him in their usual fashion. The director joined them on Souji's other side

"I'm sure you'll be very happy here, Mr Okita, you will be cared for by some of the top doctors in the country. You will be in safe hands all the while you are with us." Souji smiled with a nod

"Thank you, that's great to be here.." he said. Hijikata saw he was getting tired so he cleared his throat

"Why don't you get some sleep, Souji? I want talk with Miyavi-sensei outside.." he said, looking at the director. The doctor nodded with a smile and excused himself, standing up as Hijikata helped Souji lie down in bed, covering him with the futon and ensuring him he'd be there when he woke up. He stood up and followed Miyavi-sensei out of the room, closing the door behind. The doctor led him to his office down the hall a ways and they sat either side of his desk.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Hijikata-san?" the doctor asked with a smile

"I just wanted to make sure Souji will be taken care of, especially after I have gone back to our headquarters. He gets very lonely and bored when he has no-one to talk to…we were hoping he'd be able to keep his pet piglet, Saizo, while he stays here? Souji keeps him very well behaved, he won't be any burden to you." The doctor considered it for a moment before shrugging

"I don't see why not, so long as the pig sleeps outside and doesn't cause trouble."

"Oh no, absolutely, thank you, sir. Souji will be so pleased." They both smiled, then something in Hijikata's mind became stormy "Sensei…what do you think Souji's chances are? You know, of recovering?" he asked. The doctor sighed, as if he's both expected and dreaded this subject

"We will do the best we possibly can but to be honest, Mr. Hijikata, tuberculosis is usually a killer. Only a few people have ever survived it.." Hijikata nodded, expression dark "But," the doctor added a little brighter "everyone who has survived have been treated here and they've all had a great support of friends to help them along." Hijikata smiled

"Well, Souji certainly has that. But I do wish I could stay with him all the time - my job doesn't allow me to be away from headquarters for a long period of time… Perhaps I could think about sending someone up each week? Stagger his visitors, so to speak, so he always has someone with him. When Souji gets lonely, he feels much worse."

"That sounds like a marvellous plan! We would be happy to accommodate one visitor at a time if it means Mr. Okita would improve." Hijikata grinned as much as he allowed himself to, nodding

"That would be great, thank you so much!"

"How long do you expect to stay with us, Mr Hijikata?"

"I'd say about a week, or at least until Souji is settled." The doctor nodded with a smile

"Very good, I will sort out a room for you. I assume you'd like to be as close to Mr Okita's room as possible?"

"Yes, please." He said. They smiled and bade each other goodbye, Hijikata heading back to Souji's room. When he returned, Souji was asleep with the naughty Saizo curled up beside him on the sheets. Hijikata smile at him and took the time to look around his room. He was sure Souji would like it when he looked properly, the walls were a pleasant light blue, the floor simple tatami and the windows let a lot of light in. He even had a view of a sakura tree in the courtyard and he could see the sky from his bed. The room was perfect for Souji that was for sure, Hijikata just hoped you would have to stay in it for long. In a kind world, they would be able to cure Souji before he got much worse and he would be out and back home before the next Festival.

Hijikata sighed, absently stroking Saizo as the pig got up sleepily. It snorted up at him before stretching itself and curling up again next to Souji. The older man smiled and chuckled slightly

"Good night." he said softly.

**Well…? What do we think? I hope this was even a little bit worth the wait. I doubt the next update will be very soon sorry**

**REVIEW!**

**PMKnut xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Oyasumi Nasai **

**Chapter 8**

**Hi again, sorry it's taken so long! **

**Enjoy and please review!**

"We get to go see Souji?!" Heisuke cried, grinning. Yamani nodded with a smile

"I just got a letter from Mr Hijikata. He's going to stay with Souji for a week while he gets settled in then he wants someone to go up every week so Souji is never without someone."

"That's awesome! Hey, maybe us three can go up together and spend three weeks with him, huh?" Shinpachi asked, grinning.

"Great idea, buddy! So who gets to go next?"

"Well, someone to keep Souji's spirits up…so you three can go. You leave the day after tomorrow, so travel time won't affect Souji."

"Great! I can't wait to see him!" Shinpachi said, grinning.

"We should get him those candies he likes, put some fat on his bones." said Sanosuke, the others nodding and grinning.

"Just don't be too noisy, Souji's sick and it is a hospital." Kondo said with a smile, though personally he couldn't wait for his own turn. Souji was like his son, he loved him with all his heart and he wanted to be with him during this terrible time. At least he was with Hijikata though; he was always the one to lift Souji's spirits.

The three lovable troublemakers started making plans on how they could cheer Souji up.

Tetsu couldn't wait to see Souji; he'd asked Tatsu a total of 17 times in the last 2 hours when it would be their turn to do to Edo. He decided to ask Kondo to put the two of them in to go as soon as possible - though he expected everyone else would have done the same.

There was a definite void at Headquarters without Souji. Even when he was bedridden, he was still there with everybody. Now his room was empty, they even missed the sound of him coughing - at least it told them he was alive…

Tetsu sighed, shaking his head to rid it of these sad thoughts, and got back into position. He'd been training non-stop since Souji left for Edo, he wanted to be super strong when he next saw him, imagining his surprised, excited face at seeing him the size of Sano instead of Shinpachi.

Tatsu came to see him a lot, bringing him food and stuff and to see how he was doing. Sano, Shinpachi and Heisuke had also started sparring with him more, all knowing of his mission and eager to help. Tetsu was maturing quickly and they wanted to get him at the same level of then, even asking if he wanted to join them and become the fourth joker - which, admittedly and much to Tatsu's despair, appealed to him greatly.

The three of them left for Edo three days after Hijikata and Souji, emptying the barracks almost completely of fun, so Tetsu was even more motivated to train hard.

The three pranksters arrived at Edo hospital with excitement. They asked for Souji and the nurse smiled and took them there.

They found Souji's room empty so the nurse took them into the courtyard.

"Oh, there he is. With the piglet." She told them. She pointed to a thin man with short hair sitting on a bench, petting Saizo

"Sorry, lady, that's not Souji."

"Yes it is, Souji Okita - that's him." She said and led them to him "Mr Okita, you have visitors." She said. The big purple eyes looked up and Souji smiled at them

"Hi, you three!" he said happily, still petting the angry pig who glared up at them.

"Hey, Souji.. Uh, what happened to your hair?" Shinpachi asked, getting a smack from Heisuke. Souji smiled, running his fingers through his cropped locks. It was now very short - you would have thought it would make him look more masculine but, in truth, it made him look even more like a girl

"Oh, yeah, I forgot you wouldn't have seen it. They cut it all off since it's easier to handle like this. I think they're selling it as wigs so that's ok." He said with a smile. The three of them couldn't help but smile at him and went to sit with him.

"Has Mr Hijikata left yet?"

"Yes, he left this morning. Did you guys just arrive?" he asked, they nodded.

"Uh-huh, just got here. This is a pretty nice place, huh, Souji?" Shinpachi asked. Souji smiled and nodded, looking around

"Yes, it's very pretty. I miss home already though."

"Well then, you just gotta get better as soon as possible." Sanosuke said with a grin. Souji smiled and nodded

"I'll do my best." He said.

"Oh, I almost forgot! We bought you some books if you get bored, everyone gave us one." Heisuke said, showing him a big canvas bag full of novels

"Thank you! It is quite boring here; there aren't many people to talk to since I'm technically in quarantine."

"Well, now you have us, Souji! Apparently we're supposed to wear those stupid masks but we don't want to." Sanosuke said, smiling. Souji laughed gently, obviously trying not to bother his poor lungs too much.

"You should really, it is contagious…" he said, his voice a little hoarser than it was before

"You want some tea, Souji? I'll go ask for some.."

"Oh, yes, please… Thank you." He said, smiling at the small redhead. Shinpachi grinned and went back into the building

"How're you feeling, anyhow? Any better?"

"Not yet, but the doctor said it would take a month or two before the medicine started to work noticeably.."

"That's good! Do you think you'll come back to the Shinsengumi?"

"I want to but…I'm not sure Mr Hijikata would allow me too - not to be a commander anyway. My lungs will be too weak to handle combat.. I hope I can stay living there though."

"Of course you can, Souji, no-one's even thinking of that! You'll always be part of our family." Souji's expression became a sad smile. Just then, Shinpachi came back with a tray of tea, which he placed on the ground

"Here we go! This one's yours, Souji." He said, handing him a cup separated from the others "It's got your medicine in too."

"Thanks." Souji said, sipping it. The others drank their own teas and chatted amiably for a while, Souji feeling himself relaxing and becoming happier in the three boys' company. Soon, however, the wind picked up and the air grew colder, irritating his chest.

"Ok! Time to go inside, c'mon Souji - need any help?" Sanosuke asked, seeing Souji's face pale slightly and his eyes lowered as he focused on stopping a cough. Souji smiled and nodded, knowing his body wasn't its old strength. The largest of them all smiled and gently picked him up, silently shocked at how light he was. He carried him back to his room, followed by the other two, and sat him safely in bed, taking off his kimono to leave just his undershirt yukata and placed a shawl around his thin shoulders so he wasn't cold.

"Thank you…" Souji said very softly, his hand on his chest as he felt a cough bubbling up. He didn't want the others - especially Shinpachi - to see him coughing because he knew for sure there would be blood. Sanosuke seemed to understand and told the other two to go outside for a bit, give Souji a little room. Heisuke nodded and pulled Shinpachi out, much to the small redhead's confusion. Once they were gone, Souji relaxed and allowed the cough to come; taking the handkerchief Sanosuke offered him to cover his mouth when it finally rattled his poor body and left a small pool of blood in the linen. He felt Sanosuke's large, warm hand on his back as he did so, feeling it rubbing ever so slightly and comfortingly

"Better?" he asked softly once the cough was satisfied. Souji nodded weakly, his eyes still closed as he caught his breath, his throat hurt and his lungs ached. His eyes slid open and down to the handkerchief, which he quickly folded and placed in his sleeve. Sanosuke smiled sadly at him and handed him glass of clean, cool water to get rid of the taste of blood.

"Thank you… They can come back in.." he said, his voice fainter than before, before sipping the wonderful liquid to gently soothe his throat. Sanosuke nodded and went to get them back. Their amiable chatter recommenced after that but Souji was growing tired and the three didn't want him to feel he had to stay strong for their sakes. After another half an hour or so, Heisuke helped Souji use the bathroom, then lie down in bed and Shinpachi brought him a cup of tea to help him sleep.

"We'll come see you again when you're rested - we're in the room Hijikata had when he was here." The smallest of the three said with that cheerful grin of his and Souji smiled with a nod, wishing them a good day before the door closed and so did his eyes.

None of them were in the mood for much else after seeing Souji. He'd gotten worse since he'd been at the hospital, that much was clear, and it saddened them to see their beautiful, cheerful Souji so thin and ill.

They sat in their room, which was pretty cramped but they were used to it, not really doing much. Heisuke was writing his promised letter to Headquarters to say they got there safely and an update on Souji's health - which he didn't lie about. He told those back home what the doctors had said about Souji's lungs being weakened and told of his worries about not being able to stay with them. Once he was done, all three of them made the short walk into the town to have the letter mailed to the Shinsengumi Headquarters.

"Hey, look - Souji's candies!" Shinpachi cried as they made their way back, pointing to a stall a little way off. The other two grinned and they went over, buying a giddy three bags - two for Souji and one for themselves - the money Kondo had given them for the visit.

"Hope his appetites' gotten better.." Heisuke said thoughtfully. They sat down on a bench to enjoy their candies.

"Yeah…he's really thin though.." Sano said with a sigh. They sat in silence after that, melancholy and trying to stay optimistic. After almost an hour, Shinpachi sighed and stood up

"Well, we can't leave Souji alone. Let's head back." The other two smiled and nodded, getting up.

**Well, there you go! Sorry it was a little long winded**

**Forgive me for cutting all Souji's hair off T.T take a look at the new picture for this story either here or here **** art/I-m-Fine-340923370**** to see how I imagined it to look! :3**

**Review**

**PMKnut xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Oyasumi Nasai **

**Chapter 9**

**Happy Easter everybody!**

**Please enjoy and REVIEW**

The to-ing and fro-ing of his friends made Souji feel wonderfully happy, but he could feel his body slowly weakening. He found it harder to stay awake for longer than a few hours and his almost total lack of appetite was making him so emaciated he could no longer face his own reflection. Despite seeing his friends, he missed Hijikata desperately and couldn't wait for it his turn to visit.

The latest of his friends to arrive in Edo was the Ichimura brothers. Tetsu had come running into his room with a huge grin on his face, excitement in his eyes

"Hey, Souji! Your hair looks nice like that! How are you feeling?" he asked, sitting down beside him

"I'm ok, Tetsu, how are you? Where's Tatsu?"

"He's bringing the bags - we really miss you at Headquarters." He said, smiling. Souji smiled at him

"I miss being there. Hey, have you grown? You look taller - and more muscular." Tetsu could barely contain his happiness

"Thanks for noticing, Souji! I've been training all the time; I'm trying to get stronger." Souji smiled, nodding

"It's really working, keep up the good work." Souji said with a smile, admiring his improving muscle definition (completely innocently of course). Tatsu finally appeared at this point, panting and his face flushed

"Tetsu, I told you…to wait.."

"Sorry, Tatsu, I was just excited to see Souji!" Tetsu said. He then stood up and took one of the bags from his brother. Souji couldn't stop himself giggling at the sight: Tetsu was now only a foot or so shorter than his older brother, as opposed to two or three. They took their luggage to their room for the week then went back to Souji.

"Hey, Souji! How're you feeling?"

"I'm fine, thanks. How was the journey?" he asked

"Good, took us less than a day." He replied, smiling.

"That was fast! Heisuke and the others only left an hour or so ago."

"We were lucky with the weather and such, I guess." Tatsu said. Souji smiled, his eyes going to the window

"It's been sunny for two weeks, no clouds or rain at all. Nice and breezy though, the cherry blossoms smell wonderful." He said. The brothers smiled

"Are you allowed to go outside, Souji?" Tetsu asked

"Not today, my chest hurts, but maybe tomorrow. I must ask my doctor."

"So, how were the terrible threesome? Not too noisy for you?"

"Oh no, not at all - it was nice to have some energy around. They were the most fun I've had since I got here. How is everything at Headquarters?"

"Fine, pretty average. There have been a couple of house fires but they caught the people doing it - something to do with debts - and some fights but other than that, not much had happened. Mostly everyone just misses you." He said, making Souji smile

"I miss everyone as well, I'm so glad Mr Hijikata had the idea for everyone to come visit me - I don't know what I'd do without you." He said, they grinned

"It's pretty boring here, huh?" Tatsu asked. Souji nodded

"Very, there's no-one to talk to except the doctors and they're all either busy...or _really boring_." He said, his voice quieter with a mischievous smirk. The brothers laughed; very glad their Souji wasn't gone.

"Is Saizo around, Souji? I've missed him around too!" Tetsu asked

"Yes, he's in the outside pen - he's not allowed in here." Souji said

"Oh no, that sucks!"

"It's ok; he comes in at night to sleep with me." He said, his voice quiet again for the secret and a smile, his finger to his lips. They grinned

"That's ok then, I'm glad you're not feeling too bad here, Souji; Mr Hijikata was worried." Souji smiled but his eyes went down to his lap

"I miss him a lot…" he said.

"He said he'd come to see you as soon as he's done with the mission."

"Oh, he's on a mission?"

"Yeah, he left a few days ago - it's something to do with meeting with another army captain, he didn't tell us the details. He said it wouldn't take long, a week or two." Souji smiled and nodded

"At least it's not too dangerous - I've been worried there's gonna be a big battle and…I won't be there to help.."

"You don't have to worry about that sorta stuff, Souji - Kondo said the Shinsengumi's reputation has never been better and there aren't any gangs around to threaten us."

"Well, that's good - have they managed to rebuild all those house that were burnt down yet?"

"Almost, they've finished a couple - oh, that's right, a few families are moving into them and they have some kids my age!"

"Oh, wonderful! Be sure to make good friends, Tetsu. Say, have you seen that boy again? They one with silvery hair?" Tetsu sighed, looking down

"Suzu… No, I've looked all over for him.." Souji mirrored his sad expression

"I'm sure he'll turn up, didn't you say he's an orphan?" Tetsu nodded "Then he hasn't got anywhere to go…have you asked anyone at Headquarters to keep an eye out for him? His hair and dark skin must be pretty hard to miss, ne?"

"Yeah, maybe..thanks, Souji." He said, smiling. Souji grinned at him

"No problem, Tetsu, I hope you find him. He looked like he could use a family - hey, maybe when you find him he can join the Shinsengumi, ne?" Tetsu grinned more

"That would be great! But…would he be allowed? I mean, he _was_ on the enemy's side…"

"If you find him and he wants to join, I'll speak to Mr Hijikata." He said with a smile. Tetsu grinned and nodded

"Thanks, Souji. So, are there any good places to eat around here? We were thinking we'd take you out for dinner one day."

"Oh, I don't really know, I haven't really been out of the hospital since I got here - I don't have much of an appetite anyways. You can ask one of the doctors if they know anywhere though." He said.

"C'mon, Souji, we want you to have a good time!" Tetsu said but Tatsu jabbed him in the ribs

"Tetsu, if Mr Okita doesn't want to go out, we can't force him." He said, making Souji smile

"It's ok, I don't mind. I'm afraid I wouldn't be much fun, I get tired so quickly."

"Then we'll have to be here to make you have fun, huh?" Tetsu said with a grin "We bought some games we can play and stuff like that."

"That sounds much better." Souji said, smiling; he did so love games.

The spent the rest of the day - while Souji was feeling up to it - playing games and telling stories. It was a lot of fun but Souji started getting tired. The nurse came in to give him his medicine and told the Ichimura brothers to leave Mr Okita to rest. They went back to their pokey room in the doctor's quarters, away from the sanatorium section, and spent the rest of the day and evening in quiet.

* * *

"I can't wait to tell Souji what we have planned to do! He's gonna be so excited!" Tetsu said, grinning as they walked to Souji's room

"Tetsu, you know Souji's sick so don't be too disappointed if he's not up to doing all the things you want to do." Tatsu warned him

"I know, I know, but he'll wanna do some things, right? I mean, he's bored and-" he was cut off by two doctors running past them, Tatsu pulling his brother out of the way. The panic was immediate

"Are…are they going to Souji's room..?" Tetsu asked, his eyes wide.

"I, um…maybe we should go back to our roo- Tetsu, wait! This is a hospital - come back!" he sighed and ran after the redhead, towards their friend's room.

"Who are you?" a doctor just leaving Souji's room asked, frowning. He was wearing a medical mask and shielded the door

"We're friends of Mr Okita, we're staying here-"

"Oh…well, I'm sorry, you can't see him today."

"Is something wrong?" the doctor sighed

"He has a fever; we're doing our best to keep him cool until it lowers but it's quite high at the moment- you won't be able to see him for a while."

"Will he be alright?"

"If we can get his temperature lower then yes, but we won't know for a few hours. Please go back to your room and let us handle it."

"Ok…um, tell him we'll come see him as soon as he's ready?" the doctor smiled and nodded, going off. Tatsu sighed and led a blank-faced Tetsu back to their room.

"I'm sure he'll be ok, it's just a fever-" Tatsu said sitting on his bed. Tetsu was looking down, cross-legged on his own

"You don't have to baby me, Tatsu, I know Souji's sick. I just didn't think-"

"It's not. Souji won't give up, you know that."

"But…he's so weak, he could-" he bit his lip and looked down. Tatsu sighed and went to sit beside him, hugging him tightly and smiling sadly as he felt his shoulder grow wet.

**I hope this worth waiting for, sorry it took so long! **

**Review! Please and thank you!**

**PMKnut xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Oyasumi Nasai**

**Chapter 10**

It's dark but…why is it dark? It was morning a moment ago… I feel trapped…covers…a pillow and blanket, sheets… Warmth on my face…is that snuffling? Oh, Saizo…good piggy. If I smiled, I couldn't feel it. There is a strange numbness in my body, like I can feel but can't move. I try to speak but my throat is sore. Just then, light floods into my eyes and I squeeze them shut as my pupils painfully contract.

"Are you awake, Mr Okita?" came a familiar voice. I opened my sore eyes slowly and looked to my right, seeing a blurry figure above me, illuminated in the light of an oil lamp. "You had a fever but it's going down now, we have given you a sedative so you may be feeling weak."

"I see…" I said, my voice scratchy and sore

"I'll let you rest some more - oh yes, your friends asked me to tell you that they'll see you as soon as you're ready." My face became a smile at that and I thanked him, letting my eyes slide shut again.

* * *

It was a couple more days before Souji was well enough to see the Ichimura brothers again. They came into his room wearing the now mandatory hygiene masks, though Tetsu had drawn a smile on his mask to cheer Souji up a bit.

"Sorry about that.." Souji said to the brothers when they sat down beside his bed, smiling sadly. He was still much paler than before and his voice was a little raspy but he was in relatively good spirits and very happy to his friends.

"Don't worry about it, Souji; you just needed a little time to yourself, that's all." Tetsu said with an optimistic grin which, though hidden by the mask, warmed Souji's soul.

"I've asked the hospital to write to Mr Hijikata, just in case." He said, looking down with a sad smile

"'Just in case' nothing, Souji, you're gonna be ok." Tetsu insisted and Souji appreciated what he said even if he didn't believe it.

"It'll be nice for you to see each other again though; you must miss him, ne?" Tatsu asked, steering the conversation away from that subject. Souji nodded

"It feels like I haven't seen him in years…I probably look like a different person to him now."

"No way, Souji, you haven't changed a bit!" Tetsu said, genuinely believing that Souji hadn't changed: just how much he weighed had.

"I envy your optimism, Tetsu." Souji said with a small laugh. Tetsu grinned again "So, what are you two up to today?"

* * *

Mr Hijikata looked at the letter from the Edo Hospital Sanitarium, holding in both trembling hands. This was the letter he'd dreaded, the letter which asked him to come and see Souji as soon as possible. He knew it was probably just a product of one bad da*y but it only made what he feared the most all the more immanent. Souji was dying and wanted to see his best friend before he did

"What have you got there, Toshi?" Hijikata looked up to see Yamanami. He sighed and handed him the letter. The first vice commander's expression became grave "You haven't opened it?"

"I know what it will say."

"May I?" he asked. Hijikata gave a nod, taking a long drag from his pipe. Yamanami opened the letter and quickly read it before speaking "Souji wants to see you…it seems he had a fever and asked for them to send you this letter, 'just in case'." Hijikata nodded, his jaw clamped tight shut, and Yamanami took his leave quietly, leaving the letter on the table. The 'Demon' commander sat there for a while, smoking his pipe and frowning at the letter. Finally, once he'd exhausted his current stock of tobacco, he empty out the ashes into a bowl and reached over, picking up the letter. The paper was soft and thick, the letter short and to the point.

_Dear Mr Hijikata_

_I am writing to request you visit the hospital as soon as possible, Mr Okita has requested to see you. His health is in decline and I am afraid to say I do not think he is long for this life. He and I both hope to see you soon_

_Miyavi-sensei_

_Edo Hospital_

Hijikata said and put the letter away before getting up and going to speak to Kondo.

"Ah, Toshizo! What brings you here?" he asked, grinning at him. The older man was sitting at his writing table, sealing an envelope. Hijikata sighed and handed him the Edo letter, sitting down silently. Kondo's face fell as he read the letter "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow." He said gruffly and Kondo nodded, eyes sad "A part of me doesn't want to see him…I want to remember him as he was-" the commander's eyes snapped up at his subordinate

"Don't you dare, Souji is not dead yet and he needs you there with him. I will drag you there myself if I have to." He said angrily. Hijikata sighed and nodded

"I will go, of course, I will but-"

"No 'buts', Toshizo, you are going to be with Souji." He said, his voice a little softer now. He knew he Hijikata felt, he knew the pain and sadness he was feeling, and he knew that seeing Souji in that hospital bed would only make those feelings worse, but he also knew Hijikata would regret it for the rest of his life if he knew he'd let Souji die alone. "I will arrange your transport personally." He finished with a finite nod. Hijikata nodded and got up, taking the letter with him as he left.

**I know, I know: short and quite boring - I'm very sorry it's been such a long wait!**

**The next chapter should be better~**

**PMKnut xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Oyasumi Nasai**

**Chapter 11 **

Hijikata arrived in Edo city in a truly foul mood. His transport had arrived over an hour late, his driver was a rude insolent man who had stopped on the way at a tavern of all places, leaving Hijikata out in the rain for three hours while he hired a geisha or two and drank his weight in sake, only to continue driving but at an appalling pace and they had gotten lost eleven times.

Carrying a bag of clothes and a few things he'd bought for Souji, he made his way to the hospital, fuming and shouting at anyone who dared cross his path.

* * *

Souji was sitting in his room, petting Saizo gently as he dozed. The young man's head was filled with not much at all, somewhere between contentment and total surrender. He wasn't thinking, wasn't really feeling anything. There was a very slight breeze every so often but that was it really.

Purple eyes, previously resting half-lidded on the piglet's left ear, slid up when he heard a commotion in the corridor. Maybe there was some kind of attack happening…maybe he'd be able die by the sword after all…

There was the sound of approaching footsteps, running towards his room, and Souji closed his eyes, looking forward to a new, exciting sensation as a sword was thrust into his diseased chest, finally silencing his infernal heart. The shoji door was pulled open, Saizo jumped and made an infuriated squeak and then

"Souji…"

The purple eyes snapped open and looked up to see the panting, sweaty, red-faced, wonderful Hijikata Toshizo.

"M…Mr Hijikata.." Souji said, his voice no more than a whisper. Hijikata collapsed beside his bed and hugged him tightly, Saizo scampering off outside. Souji was overcome with the feeling of warmth and hugged him back, his arms weak but that didn't matter now. Hijikata was here, and he was always strong for Hijikata.

"Souji…I've missed you so much, I'm sorry I've been gone for so long…" he said, still panting. Souji buried his face in the broad, muscular shoulder, breathing in his familiar, comforting scent.

They stayed in this embrace for a while longer, then Hijikata slowly drew away, smiling. Souji smiled back weakly "Come now, Souji…why the tears..?" he asked softly, using his calloused thumb to wipe away the shining tracks down Souji's cheeks

"I…I'm just so happy you're here.." he said, sniffing. Hijikata smiled, flatten his palm on Souji's sharpened cheek and looked into those beautiful eyes but Souji looked down "I hope you're not disappointed…I've changed a lot.."

"Yes, but you are still beautiful, you always are." He said with a gentle smile. Souji smiled despite the tears in his eyes "I like your hair, it suits you." He said, gently stroking the short soft locks.

"It's much lighter now." He said with a smile "My neck gets cold though." Hijikata smiled and placed his warm hand on the slender neck, making Souji smile more "Always so warm…" he said softly, leaning into the lovely touch.

They sat there for a moment or two in sweet quiet when a sudden fit of coughing ripped through the silence, rattling Souji's poor body worse than Hijikata had even seen. Souji held a handkerchief to his mouth, coughing wetly into it, and Hijikata dreaded to think about the amount of blood now being absorbed into the white fabric. He held Souji gently as he coughed, patiently waiting for the fit to subside but it took so much longer than he expected - it was almost like Souji's poor body would never stop its diseased torture. The shoji door opened and the doctor ran in, having heard the prolonged fit from his office, and knelt on Souji's other side, holding a cup of something.

"W-what's happening, doctor?!" Hijikata asked, panic and fear and helplessness filling his entire being. The doctor didn't answer, trying to get Souji to drink what was in the cup but the fit was making it impossible for him to do anything but cough. Finally the coughs began to become less frequent, at least enough for him to take the cup and drink its contents.

"That's it, Mr Okita, breathe…" he said softly, taking the drained cup. Souji was breathing in shallow, desperate pants now and looked utterly exhausted, his eyes barely open and his face deathly pallid. The doctor checked his pulse and frowned

"What? What's wrong?" Hijikata asked, his hand on the skeletal back

"His pulse is very slow, that fit weakened and exhausted his body considerably, he…" he trailed off and Hijikata's eyes widened "It seems his disease is getting the better of him. He needs to rest now…" he said and together they lay Souji down on the futon, pulling the comforter up to his neck. Hijikata looked at the doctor and saw him looking down at Souji with sad eyes

"Doctor…how long has he got?" he asked him

"I'd say…if he survives the night, it will be a miracle." He said honestly and Hijikata felt the world come crashing down. If the doctor left, he didn't notice, his gaze fixed on the poor sick creature in the bed, the person he loved more than anything else in the world and he was going to die. Souji was barely twenty-five and he was on the edge of the afterlife.

Hijikata sat with Souji long into the night, hoping and praying that he would live but he knew it was pointless.

Souji woke up briefly just after 2 o'clock in the morning, struggling to breathe. Hijikata was instantly at his aid, having been in the same position beside him the entire time, helping him sit up so he could take a drink and get a cough out. The cough was quick but the amount of blood on the handkerchief made Hijikata feel sick.

"H-Hijikata.." Souji said softly once his breathing had calmed somewhat

"Yes, Souji?"

"I…have a favor…to ask of you…i-if you don't mind.."

"Of course, Souji, anything - ask away."

"I need you…to help me commit seppuku.." Hijikata stared down at him, his whole body tensing

"Souji…no, I can't-" the weak, shaking hand gripped his kimono as tightly as it could

"Please…I-I want to die with dignity…as a samurai..!" he cried weakly, his voice strained and his eyes full of tears again. Hijikata clenched his jaw and shook his head

"No, Souji, I will not allow it, you are not going to die."

"But I am…I am, Mr Hijikata…" he said, his voice soft again as he lost strength

"No…a healer is on his way and you're going to be fine…I promised you, Souji… I love you, Souji…I love you so much.." the big eyes looked up at him, wide and tears swimming

"Mr Hijikata…I love you.. I always have.." He said and Hijikata moved to kiss him but Souji turned his head away, his hand to his own lips "No…my disease-" Hijikata pulled his wrist away and pressed their lips together.

Thirteen years he'd wanted to kiss those lips, since Souji grew from that tiny brat and became the beautiful creature he now was…or used to be. Even with the slight tang of blood, his lips were wonderful. Souji pulled away, panting from the lack of breath, his eyes half-lidded, then a wave of dizziness had him fall into Hijikata's shoulder "I…I'm glad…I always…wanted to k-kiss you…" he whispered, his world slowly growing dark. He looked up a final time "H-Hijikata…I don't mind dying now…" he said with a very weak smile, looking up at him with tears in his eyes - the old sparkle long since gone. Hijikata's eyes filled with tears, watching Souji's eyes finally closing. This was it. The last time. "Please stay with me…" his whispered, his eyes finally closed. Hijikata nodded, his jaw tight. He lifting Souji's poor emaciated body very gently, and sat down on the soft mattress, lying him down against his warm chest. He stroked Souji's cropped hair and face, watching his eyes close slowly. He could not stop the tears any longer, and began to cry quietly - uninterrupting.

He eventually fell asleep, holding his fading beloved close to himself…

**Writing sad is hard... NOT OVER stay tuned**

**REVIEW**

**PMKnut xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Oyasumi Nasai**

**Chapter 12**

Toshizo Hijikata stood under an awning, watching the rain patter the mud streets of Kyoto, disturbing the watery dirt so it jumped about with the impact. His black kimono had always been uncomfortable; perhaps it was because he didn't wear it very often…thankfully.

His eyes burned gently as his thoughts driftedbut he ignored it, tightening his jaw further, his teeth were so clamped together it was starting the hurt. He didn't care, he just want to get away. He saw Yamanami making his way over and pretended he hadn't noticed. He wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone right now, especially someone so chipper despite everything. His co-Vice Commander joined him under the awning, muttering about the terrible weather.

"So, Toshi…how are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure about that?" Hijikata glared at him

"Of course I'm sure."

"Fine, fine, have it your way."

"I usually do." Yamanami chuckled, nodding

"True. So, how was it?"

"Fine…it was fine."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there, I hope he wasn't too upset with me."

"I don't think so-"

"Mr Hijikata!" The voice made both men turn around. Souji, skinny, short-haired, pale Souji, stood there with a huge armful of paper bags, wrapped gifts, clothes and toys "Look what all the kids gave me, isn't it cute?!" he cried, grinning.

Toshi sighed and removed his own Haori, putting it around Souji's narrow, bony shoulders before taking most of the gifts from him so he wouldn't be burdened with them.

"Souji, I told you to dress warm, you'll freeze to death." Souji laughed

"Thanks, Mr Hijikata. Hey, Mr Yamanami, where have you been - you missed it!"

"I'm sorry, Souji, I got held up. Did you enjoy the show?"

"Yes, it was beautiful, shadow plays are wonderful - Mr Hijikata cried." he said, laughing "And then I got all these presents so it was even better!"

"Souji, are you feeling alright? Don't you want to go back to Headquarters?"

"No, thanks, Mr Hijikata, I want to stay in town a little longer - you can head back if you want to though."

Hijikata scowled, making Souji laugh more

"No…I'll stay with you…" he said gruffly.

"I'll see you two back at the barracks then, I need to get some things in town."

"Bye, Mr Yamanami!" Souji said with a grin, which he returned

"Bye bye, Souji, have a good day both of you." He said genially and he went off down the road. Hijikata put the umbrella he was holding up and moved next to Souji so he was the one sheltered from the rain, and they headed off into town

"It's strange to be back - wonderful, but strange." Souji said after a few moments, smiling

"You were gone a long time, Souji… Are you sure you're alright?" he asked

"Yes, I'm fine. I just-" he stopped and Hijikata looked down at him, worried he was going to cough. Souji was grinning "Look, it's Ryoma-san!"

"Souji, you're back!" the American cried, rushing over "You look great, all things considered."

"Thanks, so do you. I heard you ran into some trouble."

"Oh, yes - Tetsunosuke turned out to be quite helpful." He said with a grin "Have you seen him recently?"

"No, not for a while. Maybe we can pay him a visit, ne, Mr Hijikata?"

"Maybe… The rain's getting worse, Souji, it's not good for you to be in the cold for this long."

"Ok, ok, let's go back." Souji said with a grin. Ryoma chuckled and bade them goodbye and they went back to the headquarters together. Hijikata insisted Souji spend a few hours in bed and Souji complied though didn't intend to sleep

"Mr Hijikata…isn't it strange how everything's changed…but exactly the same? I feel like I've been gone for years but, at the same time, like I never left." He said, smiling. Hijikata couldn't help but mirror the expression but cleared his throat and fixed Souji's blankets

"It will probably take some getting used to…but it will be back to normal soon enough, I'm sure." He said, surprised when a smaller cold hand took his own gently and held it as he smiled at him

"I'm so glad you're here with me.." he said softly and Hijikata held his hand tighter, his smile breaking through brightly

"I am glad you are here too, Souji…if I'd lost you, I-"

"Shh…it's alright, I know.." he said, still smiling fondly at him "Can I…can I have another kiss? I'll take a nap.." he said, Hijikata chuckled, half heartedly rolling his eyes at the bribery…not that he was complaining.

He leaned forward and very gently and softly pressed their lips together, almost immediately pulling away. Miyavi-sensei had said, while Souji's lungs healed, he wasn't to cause irregular breathing or excitement. Souji looked disappointed and was just about to fulfil his half of the bargain when Hijikata pulled him forward without thinking, crushing their lips together almost roughly but with so much love and caring that neither were affected by the alarm, kissing each other - not heatedly…just lovingly.

"I love you, Souji."

"I love you too…Toshizo." He said and they both grinned, kissing again.

"Please don't call me that…" Hijikata muttered and Souji laughed, and suddenly the barracks felt like home again.

**Well, here we are. 12 chapters later… What did you think? **

**Please leave your final reviews and remember there will be a SEQUEL, centred around Tetsu and Susumu's budding relationship called ****_Watchers_**** -follow me as an author to subscribe to these updates and checkout my other stories (preferably not the older/none rewritten ones)**

**Be excellent to each other**

**PMKnut xx**


End file.
